Experience is the gateway to awakening.
“No one can teach you anything”, said a shaman after an intense Ayahuasca journey. “You have to learn through experience”.
He was right. I’m someone who is not satisfied with mental explations. I need to feel the truth deep within my being in order to accept it as truth. When something resonates with me, I move it within my mouth, then digest it in my belly, and only until it has sunk into my being, I take it in as truth. Yet what I know to be true is always molding.
The integration of new perspectives gives us a fuller picture of the whole truth of life.
This is why curiosity and discernment are two of the core qualities that I embrace.
Curiosity allows me to be open to a new way of being, seeing and relating.
Discernment allows me to separate false light from true wisdom, and projections from true reflections.
I love change, because it means to evolve, to learn, to experience something new.
To allow oneself to change, is to let the old die. Death is transformation. We are only really dead when we cease to evolve, when we are stagnating, void of life.
The only way to live fully, is to ebrace all felt experience. If we close ourselves off from pain, we shut out life. To live is to experience everything, FULLY.
Fun facts about me:
how i got here?
I have always felt a connection to the divine, to the non-physical, yet growing up, I had no one to talk to about my experiecnes so I kept it all to myself.
With academic up-bringing and an atheist, scientific father, I would read the bible secretly in my room.
Later on in my adult life, I got my putt kicked by the grandmother Ayahuasca, who brought me face to face with my demons. The lesson was clear: 1) darkness is a part of us, and 2) we always have the free will to choose love.
As my physical health was deteriorating, I found raw veganism and began to cleanse my physical body.
As a result, I gained access to long suppressed emotions and parts of myself that I had long neglected, and so I began a process of bringing all the fragments of my being back to myself.
This was a journey of radical self-love.
I became aware of my sensitivity to energies and soon I discovered my abilities to consciously and intentionally channel.
I plunged into the deepest corners of my soul, to uncover trauma I had no idea I carried, to pull out low vibrational entities I had made pacts with, to deconstruct my entire worldview and beliefs, to deprogram myself completely, to grieve the immensity of my own self-abandonment, of having torn myself into a million pieces, tucked away pieces of myself into tombs, just to feel loved, in a desperate search of connection.
To not be all alone in the universe.
As I continued doing the inner work, I began to meet people who would look me in the eye, and I would feel seen. I met my soul mate partner, Ram, who became my ally in deconstructing the inner Matrix to liberate ourselves.
I began to feel the truth of reality… that all life is one. That I am always connected. That I am the very love that I’ve been seeking. That I am pure awareness, and that my very presence is LOVE. That I am an infinite being, manifesting into physicality. That I am the creator of my reality, not a victim (albight the pain is very real!). That I don’t need to become anything or to get anywhere to be ENOUGH. I began to feel my inherent worth.
My life is no longer driven by avoidance of pain or grasping for love. My life is driven by excitement and the desire to experience it all FULLY.