I want to talk about healing, as it’s something that’s always talked about in the spiritual “new age” circles. The desire to heal can itself turn into something that works against you. I have seen many people obsess over healing, thinking that there is something wrong with them, that they need to do something to fix themselves, that some process, or retreat, or a new diet, or a healer can somehow fix them.
I want to make something very clear: Healing is not fixing, it is not improving, it is not to become something you are not, it is not something that lies in the future nor is it not something that you need to reach.
Healing is recognizing what you already are. It is simply coming back to yourself. Healing means to acknowledge all aspects of ourselves and allow them to express fully as part of ourselves.
To heal means to integrate.
To heal means to love all aspects of ourselves.
To heal is to remember that we are innocent, whole, infinite and the source of love.
If you want to heal because you don’t feel good about yourself, you need to stop right on your tracks. From that consciousness, whatever you do you are doing it to fix yourself because you cannot accept yourself the way you are.
Your healing journey has become a form of self-rejection.
Ask yourself, can you love whatever is in you in this moment? Even if nothing ever changed?
Can you love the chubby you, the single you, the you that got dumped, the you that smokes, the you that eats crap, the you that doesn’t have a job, the you that gets triggered, the you that yells at your child, the you that doesn’t get out of bed until 3pm, the you that doesn’t go for a run, the you that doesn’t get the job or the promotion, the you that doesn’t get invited to a party, the you whose business failed, the you who drops the glass, the you that doesn’t do the dishes, the you that feels shy or afraid?
If you are joining a seminar because you cannot stand those parts of yourself, because you desperately want to change them so that you can be with yourself, then don’t join it. You are going against yourself.
Healing means that you learn to love each part of yourself that you cannot stand. That you learn to understand them. And as you begin to understand those parts, you will begin to forgive yourself for not being perfect. As you forgive yourself and you accept where you are at, you will be surprised, as those parts will begin to shift.
Your suffering is coming from resisting what is. Not wanting to accept aspects of yourself. Sometimes it’s a matter of suppressing aspects that you actually DO want but fear showing. Perhaps you are not allowing yourself to move, to be spontaneous, to express joy or love. And as we both know, you cannot get away from yourself. So as long as you resist ANY aspect of yourself, you will suffer.
I’ve learned something interesting and quite counter-intuitive along the years.
Whatever you think is the problem, is never the problem.
For instance, I’ve worked with many clients who hated the part of them that smoked and wanted to fix it. In one session it turned out that the smoker part was the only one who had access to free will within her and smoking was the only way to take it’s power back. The smoking was not the origin of the problem, but the fact that this person had abandoned their dreams and authenticity long time ago. They endured their job and took no time to do things they loved. The manager in them who hated the smoker, was in fact the real source of “the problem”. It was this part that kept her in the rat race, not leaving any space for her authentic passions and joys. As she befriended the smoker in her, she gained access to tremendous power and the will to stand in her truth.
Similarly, if you hate the part of you who makes you eat crap. That part is most likely NOT the problem. If you hate that you failed, the failure is not the issue but how you talk to yourself as a result of that. So pay very close attention to what it is in you that wants you to heal. Why do you want to heal? What part is driving that desire? Is it a manager who wants to change you, to fix you, to improve you?
If yes, this part is the first one you need to talk to.
If you think there is a problem in you, THAT is the problem.
That hateful and critical attitude towards yourself is the real source of all your problems. You are not a problem to be fixed. If in this moment you think there is a problem in you, know that this is not coming from your aware self. This thought is coming from another PART. You are identified with a part and if you want to get to a place of self-love, you need to learn to dis-identify from that part. You need to be able to see that whatever it says about you, is NOT TRUE.
The problem is never in the content, but in the attitude. The smoking is not the problem, but the fact that you HATE that you smoke. Losing your job is not the problem, but the fact that you tell yourself that you’re a loser for it. The problem is not that you sleep until 2pm, but the fact that you tell yourself that it’s NOT OK.
Catch yourself in that critical, hateful, judgmental part. What does it say? Don’t buy the story, yet be careful to not polarize and begin to hate the inner critic. It is trying to protect you. It wants you to change so that you could be lovable. It is trying to earn love. So your job is to show to that part that you ARE lovable even if you improve NOTHING. It is your task to demonstrate to that inner critic that you forgive, that you are soft, that you are patient with yourself.
When the inner critic screams “IDIOT!” when you forget an important appointment, breathe, and tell yourself: “It’ OK. I’m not an idiot. I’m good, I’m lovable, I’m beautiful even when I make mistakes or when I forget.”
When the inner critic says “You are so lazy, you don’t accomplish anything in life. You just sleep and do nothing. You will get nowhere.”, tell yourself: “It’s OK to rest. I have the right to exist even if I achieve nothing in my life. I am here to play and to experience, not to produce.”
Healing means that you cease to judge, to project, to criticize, to punish. Healing means to return to love. To self-love, which then radiates outward onto other.
Love for others and love for yourself… they are one and the same.